Who are you... really?

It’s been said that J.O.B. stands for "Just Over Broke." It’s also been said that employees work just hard enough to not get fired, while their bosses pay just enough so they won’t quit. I can totally relate to these two observations.

Whenever I’m asked what I do, I usually say that I’m a CAD (Computer-Aid Drafting) Technician by day and an artistic entrepreneur by night. Am I really either of those things though? I mean, in the daytime, sure, I’m at work… but while I’m there I spend most of my time working just hard enough to look like I’m engaged and productive – I get by – while I’m really thinking about my entrepreneurial aspirations. Yes, my numbers look good. Yes, my employer can’t complain about my performance because I "make the grade." When I’m at home with time to spend on those aspirations I’ve dreamt of all day, I’m usually more interested in spending time with my family, catching up on missed TV shows, and eating or sleeping.

So, what am I really? In the brilliant, yet paraphrased words of Steven Pressfield’s 'The War of Art,' am I a writer that doesn’t write? A painter that doesn’t paint? An entrepreneur who never starts a venture? Well, no… I’m not quite that either. I do, after all, START projects. I start them all the time. No, what I am is a non-finisher. I’m a self-motivating starter. I can START all day long. I’ve got a million projects in the R&D and conceptual phases. If I’m really being honest with myself, I’m not truly a Sr. CAD Technician… I just play one at work. If I’m being honest, I’m not truly an entrepreneur at home; I’m just hoping to be one.

I’m not getting down on myself for this. I’m not expecting to be perfect or anything. I’m just stating the obvious here. I am who I am. That’s not to say I’m satisfied though. I’m not yet who I intend to be, nor will I stop trying to become that which I know I have in me to be. But in order to get where I want to go, it’s important that I own up to what or who I truly am first. I’m a writer who usually can’t get further than a blog entry. I’m a poet who has yet to publish his finished work. I’m an illustrator with too many other ideas to sit down and hammer out some good illustrations. I’m an employee only because my employment provides my family with affordable health insurance. I’m just enduring my "J.O.B." until I can develop the gonads to step out into the world…until I can get one of my great ideas to take flight. I’m an inventor with no money to fund a few really great ideas. In short, I’m pretty much just potentially great right now. Potential is good, but until it is realized it’s like equity that is never cashed out. It sounds impressive, but is really worth nothing.

Do you know who or what are you are… really?